didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
