just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
