Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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