This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
