her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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