We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
