I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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