Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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