At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
