I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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