can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We got so high we made milksteak
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
