Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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