I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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