i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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