dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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