I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
