i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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