i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
