Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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