You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
