I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I need to sanitize my soul.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize