The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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