im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
