Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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