I just made out with a guy for $7.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
