No stitches, just platelets and will power
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
