Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
