Welp...herpes.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
