its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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