I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
