But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Pooping to opera.
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