We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
