He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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