I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
No subtext here. People are naked.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
