I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
