i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
