oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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