I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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