9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
