I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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