No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Dick very happy bro
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
