Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
