if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
