i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
