Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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