I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
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i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
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We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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