i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I have post one night stand depression
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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