we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
