dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
