you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
