You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
