he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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