just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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