he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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