it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
